This week really tested me, in ways I sincerely pray none of you will ever have to endure. Writing this now, I’m asking myself- where did the old me go? The answer is simple- I’ve just grown up.
I do not personally google myself & search online chat rooms that enjoy the thrill of cursing me, judging me, enumerating every possible thing wrong with me, and perpetuate lies about me. But I don’t live in a bubble either, so I am made aware of every nail that’s wished to seal my coffin.
If I speak on behalf of my family this will turn into a book, and it is a truth- my parents and my brother all presented themselves to voters to judge. I do not have ownership of their first person account, their knowledge, experiences, or victories... That singular experience is theirs and theirs alone.
But I do have MINE. And my life’s ups and downs- look close enough and see where I’ve gotten my strength.
Because every chunk of mud, every accusation about my moral shortcomings, even the “magda-drama parinig”- all that I cannot deny. Because that was me then.
But my fall from grace (once and for all to finally put the issue to rest, in April of 2016 before coming home from the US, and while Kris Tv was still airing Best Of episodes naglakas ako ng loob to ask my then boss, Tita Cory Vidanes, to give me a chance to have my job back. I have a screen shot of her reply because I wanted it to remind me of what happens when you walk away, that sometimes the once welcoming door can be permanently shut. She told me then that management had already approved a new concept and that she was sorry that there was no longer any slot or format available to me.) taught me the value of ACCOUNTABILITY.
In 20 years of working in my previous home network- I was not perfect. I had my share of exhaustion related tantrums, of moments na yumabang na ako, and unprofessionalism coming from personal heartbreak and heartaches. That is why I am comfortable about sharing the story of no longer being wanted nor needed by ABS CBN with all of you. It’s an acceptance that everyone, including someone who was once their Queen of Talk, Queen of Game Shows, Queen of Horror, and because of Yes Magazine- the girl referred to as the Queen of all Media, is very easy to REPLACE. It was a beautiful journey- but just like all journeys, there was a destination and a point of disembarkation. I have a lifetime’s worth of learnings & memories, and I will forever be grateful for the education I received.
In 47 years of living I have my fair share of sins- but this is where my path differs from others- YOU ALL KNOW THE FULL STORY. We have never whitewashed nor paid anybody to do an “Olivia Pope” for me...
Yes- the PAG-AALIPUSTA, PAGPAPAHIYA, and PANINIRA can still sting. But it doesn’t have the same bite because I have already confronted my shortcomings, in fact most of the details they feel they have unearthed, came from me & my tell-all interviews- and I have done my damnedest to rise above them.
They say that the best apology is actually changed behavior. Cancer was my opportunity to verbally say sorry to my Mom for all those instances she didn’t deserve a daughter who brought emotional distress her way- not after all she had already endured...
But time has been my friend in the sense that I have managed to tame my inner demons, and going back to almost zero in my professional life gave me the self-assurance I didn’t know I had hungered for all these years- that self-awareness that my failures and victories are mine... That with or without being an Aquino, this is FINALLY the time in my life I can hold my head up high and say- I am KRIS.
For some reason, I came about Mariah’s theme... I’m including the YouTube link in this blog because we can all always use a bit of Mariah when we need to listen to a voice that resonates EMPOWERMENT.